Why “roommate?”
Which style would I prefer?
In the United States, “roommate” means an adult who wants to live with other adults for a variety of lifestyle improvements: social, financial, security, etc.
In Europe, “housemate” or “flatmate” might be more common, but they’re synonyms.
Few adults outside of college dormitories choose to share bedrooms with other adults with whom they’re not intimately involved. Most roommate, co-housing and co-living situations involve collectively sharing at least rooms, sometimes even buildings plural.
If you’d like to be extremely literal, it should probably be roomSmates. But since no one we know actually says that, it’d mostly look like a typo.
Confusingly, some use the terms co-housing and co-living interchangeably as well. However, since we believe there are meaningful distinctions to be made between those categories, we’re going to make them.
(just click on the roommate style next to a purple asterisk below to go to that free roommate forum!)
location
- roommates :: most likely urban or suburban
- co-housing :: most likely urban or suburban
- co-living :: could be urban, could be suburban, but the most ideological tend to be rural
residence
- roommates :: From traditional apartment buildings to suburban homes to garages or attics or detached additional dwelling units to anything even vaguely residential could definitely happen. Individual roommate availability is obviously erratic too.
- co-housing :: You have a large house with multiple members ready to accept new roommates right now and on an ongoing basis, at least once or twice a year.
- co-living :: You have a community with multiple buildings on a group property like a village ready to accept new members if not right now then soon, then at least once every couple of years.
financial investment
- roommates :: You’re renting, so a security deposit is common, maybe first month’s rent.
- co-housing :: You’re renting, so a security deposit plus one month’s rent is common. You may be required to contribute to periodic house expenses, but income sharing past that isn’t likely.
- co-living :: Shared or partial ownership within the community, so a substantial investment involving real estate is likely. Some also feature some form of income sharing.
duration
- roommates :: individual and erratic in terms of timing, because we’re usually referring to only one individual or one couple. From temporary to once every several years?
- co-housing :: hopefully multiple years, usually too much of a hassle & paperwork & interviews, etc. for < year
- co-living :: more of a longer-term lifestyle choice, including financial — might not be worth it financially if you’re not planning to stay at least several years
timing
- roommates :: we never recommend rushing if it’s not a dire emergency, but they could be looking to move next week
- co-housing :: probably an longer interview process with multiple roommates, so you’re unlikely to finish in a week, but probably within a month if everyone is motivated
- co-living :: probably a substantial vetting process on all sides, then more financial paperwork involving a real estate “buy in” that will take more time after that, possibly multiple months
shared space
- roommates :: variable, from larger homes with multiple shared spaces to smaller apartments with a shared small kitchen and living room
- co-housing :: a group of people occupying bedrooms that are usually individually-leased but interview collectively due to the intentionally larger number of shared spaces with other residents … in addition to a kitchen and smaller living area, there may be gyms, lounges (while traditional roommates can do this too, co-housers are even more likely due to the larger number of people to collectively organize and save money combining shopping, cooking, gardening, cleaning)
- co-living :: most likely to involve shared outdoor space as well rooms indoors … usually a even larger community with multiple shared buildings, or even be an office building retrofitted (while roommates can do this too, co-livers are most likely due to the larger number of people to collectively organize and save money combining shopping, cooking, gardening, cleaning)
contracts
- roommates :: easiest to get into means easiest to get kicked out — might be the situation you’re easiest kicked out of if your irritate your landlord — possible way to manage grievances with a traditional apartment complex, but one roommate moving into a home owned by one another is likely “occupy at will” of that one other person — if a rental situation, you could be held responsible for their rent if your roommate doesn’t pay
- co-housing :: more likely a contract that specifies behavior as well as periodic payment — may be required to be quiet, single sex (no sleepovers involving the opposite sex), vegetarian, lower income — you’re unlikely to be held responsible if your roommates don’t pay but the collective might need to rush to find someone quickly to avoid having to split the additional cost among those remaining
- co-living :: definitely a contract involving payment as well as acceptable behavior within the co-living community to insure you can all continue living together in harmony for a number of years — the contract will require more of you, but it’s unlikely you’re held responsible for what goes on with roommates in other units — may be more ideological or municipal in nature involving a larger plan with the city or at least multiple landowners, some are a much larger group project and/or bringing new life to underused buildings
collective work requirements
- roommates :: tend to be individually-oriented as well as negotiated, so you’d have to meet your roommates first to know
- co-housing :: usually there are some, usually no more than a few hours a week, probably agreed to via your co-housing contract in advance
- co-living :: almost always at least a few hours a week to contribute to the operation of the co-living community and its goals, could be gardening or cooking or even farming, anything you can imagine that needs to happen to keep everything operational
pets
- roommates :: up to your individual landlord, highly variable
- co-housing :: up to the co-housing collective, but you could definitely ask upfront
- co-living :: it’s unlikely you’d experience any restriction on pets if you’re willing to keep them within your designated area — especially in rural communities, pets or animal husbandry may be strongly encouraged
buying in bulk
- roommates :: Some shared shopping and cooking to save money could happen, but it’s up to the individuals
- co-housing :: Some sharing of a few basic staples to save money almost always happens via the collective, other stuff maybe
- co-living :: SHARING IS CARING. Saving money and effort via community pooling of various resources is almost always part of reason the community formed in the first place. If you’re not into sharing much, you definitely want one of the first two instead.
socializing
- roommates :: may or may not socialize together, social situations are optional
- co-housing :: You probably don’t have to socialize with your roommate collective as an actual requirement … but if you really don’t wanna with at least a couple you’d probably be happier with fewer roommates around.
- co-living :: Fostering a shared social situation is almost always part of the reason the community formed. Group social gatherings and community meetings are part of the fabric.
lifestyles & ideologies
- roommates :: As long you find compatible roommate(s), possibly no lifestyle changes?
- co-housing :: Moving into a large house with multiple roommates will likely require some lifestyle changes and roommate accommodations. This style is most like a student co-op with a list of rules and regulations, but with grown adults, possibly children and animals too. Often has an overriding theme or intended purpose to which they’d like their roommates to adhere, possibly single sex or vegetarian.
- co-living :: The substantial commitment you’ll make to your new co-living community often involve a substantial lifestyle change. — ecological living, vegetarianism, sustainable living, group gardening, etc. Some run small businesses together like a farm or a bed-and-breakfast that puts money back into the community. Sometimes a shared economic or bartering system, maybe a shared spiritual focus or requirement for religious participation. Co-living communities often have overriding missions intended to insure harmony in a larger group, quiet, vegetarian, artists, musicians, etc.